Playing With Fire
by Stream'sxCupxOfxTea
Summary: Lucrecia knew that if she played with fire, she might get burned. But she believed herself to be better than everyone. She thought that no matter what happened, she would be safe.


There were only two things that Lucrecia knew to be true with an absolute certainty. One was that she always had to be in control, no matter what the cost. The second was that if you played with fire, in the end, you always got burned.

Ever since she had been a small child, Lucrecia liked to be in control. If something wasn't going her way, then Lucrecia would do everything in her power so that the situation fit her wants and needs. Some people called her bossy, and others called her a controlling little bitch. And the older she got, the worse her desire to be in control got. She did everything she could think of to try and control it, but nothing helped. Unless things were going her way, Lucrecia wasn't happy. She had to be in control. Lucrecia just had to be!

The first person Lucrecia fell in love with was Grimoire Valentine. He was everything she had ever dreamed of; strong, dependable, and kind. He cared about her, truly cared about her, and for the first time in her life, Lucrecia stopped caring about being in control. Her life was going the way she wanted it to go; she had a brilliant future in front of her, she was the first woman ever to work with the esteemed Professor Hojo, and she had a wonderful...well, 'boy-friend' didn't quite seem to fit Grimoire, but a wonderful man in her life all the same.

Then he died, and went out of her life forever. Lucrecia knew it had been an accident on her part, and that Grimoire had died saving her, but it still hurt. That was when Lucrecia realized that she could never let things get out of her control. So Lucrecia threw herself into her work, and slowly rose to the top, to the point where Lucrecia herself was working alongside Professor Hojo himself. She didn't attend Grimoire's funeral; she didn't want to face his devastated wife, or his gaunt-faced, silent son. Lucrecia didn't want to admit that she had been the cause of Grimoire's death, and she certainly didn't want to admit to what had gone on between her, a young scientist, and him, a married man. So she stayed away, and soon found out that science was the best career for controlling. In her lab, Lucrecia was God. Everything went the way she planned.

Then came Vincent. Lucrecia knew, from the second she saw him, that he was, without a doubt, Grimoire's son. She despised the fact that it had been out of her control when Vincent had been assigned to supervise the Jenova Project. She resented the fact that Vincent looked so much like his father. And she hated herself for once again falling for a red-eyed, black-haired man. So Lucrecia lied. She lied, and told herself that she wasn't falling in love with Vincent. When her gaze lingered too long on his tall, lithe form, she told herself that she was only comparing him to his father in a study of genetics. When her lips brushed against his, she told herself that she only cared for him in a motherly sort of way. And when they made love...well, Lucrecia didn't think about that, except to think about the rush of pleasure it brought her. Lying to herself was easy. Too easy.

As time passed, Lucrecia realized she was more in love with Vincent than she had ever been with Grimoire. And there were so many things that were wrong with their relationship. One, she was much older that Vincent.. After all, he was still a young man; Lucrecia would soon be turning forty. Secondly, Lucrecia had already rid the Valentine family of one man. She didn't want to be the cause of the death of another. And lastly, there was still the small issue that Lucrecia had been involved with Vincent's father. Who knew how Vincent would re-act when he found out; Lucrecia tried to avoid thinking about that, even to the point where she tried to destroy all the evidence that she had ever known Grimoire. Still, she knew that changed nothing. Deep down, Lucrecia knew Vincent would find out no matter what she did,

When Vincent did find out, it wasn't as bad as Lucrecia had expected. Vincent didn't seem angry, he just seemed hurt that she hadn't told him, and confused. In fact, it was Lucrecia who lost control of her emotions. All the guilt, shame, hate and anger that she had been feeling split out of her, and Lucrecia forever damaged her relationship with Vincent.

It was at this point that Lucrecia most strongly felt the desire to control...along with other things. Much as she didn't want to admit it, Lucrecia was still lusting over the young Valentine. But she also wanted control; more than she'd ever wanted anything in her life.

There were too few things Lucrecia knew for certain in her life. She didn't know, but she was fairly certain that she hadn't been in love with Hojo. He had offered her the one thing he knew she wouldn't be able to resist; control. And Lucrecia had taken what he had offered, choosing to ignore all the strings that were attached.

Everything after that had spiraled out of control. Lucrecia had tried to control her life, but her fate had long been tossed into the air for the winds of destiny to tear apart. The things she saw after being injected with Jenova cells. Vincent's death. Hojo's betrayal. Her baby, her little boy, her innocent child being taken away from her the second he was born. Knowing that she would never, ever see her child Sephiroth. All these things led to her demise. Looking back, Lucrecia realized this. But at the time, all she had cared about was control.

The two things that finally pushed Lucrecia over the edge went in this order; not being able to save Vincent, and soon after, finding out she could not die. The first was maddening enough. Being able to see her lover, still perfectly preserved, but knowing he was dead; that knowledge was cruel enough. Adding in the guilt that Lucrecia felt about using Vincent as little more than a test subject...it was some wonder that Lucrecia hadn't gone crazy right there and then.

And then when she found she couldn't die, Lucrecia gave up. She gave in to the darkness that had so long threatened to swallow her. Only by some miracle had she managed to push the darkness away. But after that last, shocking discovery, she gave in.

By some saving grace, Lucrecia managed to find a peace of sorts. Preserving her body in crystal, she was still able to talk and think. Sometimes. Other times her soul drifted away from her body, and she haunted the destroyed Earth, gazing at the destruction that had been wrecked by her son.

Years later, as Lucrecia drifted in and out of her body, she mused on her twisted, demented life. She no longer felt the need for control. Nowadays, Lucrecia mostly felt nothing. Still, there were days when all she wanted to do was cry. Cry for her innocent baby, her first love, and her tortured lover. If she could have, Lucrecia would have gone back in time, and changed everything.

But she was never given that choice.

It was only then, when Lucrecia realized that she no longer cared for control, and when she realized that almost all the hurts and scars of the Earth could be traced back to her that Lucrecia realized something.

All her life, Lucrecia had been playing with fire. She had teased it, and toyed with it, and ignored when people told her she would get burned. Lucrecia had believed herself to be better than that. She believed she had more control than others.

But in the end, she had been burned. Badly.

Lucrecia had played with fire, and she had paid the price. Lucrecia Crescent was burned. Burned beyond all hope.


End file.
